Short jokes and one-liners
December 1st, 2008
Most of these are old, some will make you laugh, some groan
- What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a pickaxe? Severely beaten around the head!
- What’s the difference between a fish and a bicycle? They can both swim. (Except for the bicycle)
- What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu? One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
- What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy? One baits his hook, while the other hates his book.
- What’s the difference between Democracy and Feudalism? With Feudalism, it’s your count that votes!
- What noise does a baby ghost make? Boo-hoo, boo-hoo
- What do you get if you feed a lemon to your cat? A sour puss!
- What goes “mmbzzz, mmbzzz” really quietly? A mumble bee.
- What type of animals tell lies? Am-fib-ians
- What question will always be answered “yes”? What does Y-E-S spell?
- What’s the only thing worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Finding half a maggot.
- What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A Carrot.
- What do you call a flock of birds who perform stunts in formation? The red sparrows!
- What do you call a man with a tree on his head? Edward (ed-wood)
- What do you call a man with three trees on his head? Edward Woodward
- What do you call a kangaroo in the artic? Lost
- What’s yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard
- How do you make a band stand? Take away their chairs
- What do you call a fish with an engine? A motor-pike
- What goes “Ha ha bump”? Someone laughing their head off
- Why is Honey expensive in Brazil? Because there’s only one B is Brazil
