Crimperman.org

I love elephant jokes, they require a certain weirdness in your sense of humour (and some lateral thinking) but… These are clean ones, I know plenty of riskier ones exist but please don’t send them to me. These have been knocking around for ages so i make no claim over copyright on them. As far as I know they’re in the public domain so do what you want with them.

• How can you spot an elephant in disguise? He’s the one wearing sunglasses
• How many elephants can you get in a mini¹? Four. Two in the front and two in the back
• How do you tell when an elephant has been in your fridge? Footprints in the butter
• How do you tell when two elephants have been in your fridge? Two sets of footprints in the butter
• How do you tell when three elephants have been in your fridge? Three sets of footprints in the butter
• How do you tell when four elephants have been in your fridge? There’s a mini parked outside
• What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
• Why isn’t it safe to enter the jungle on Tuesdays? That’s elephants do their parachute practice
• Why are crocodiles flat? They entered the jungle on Tuesdays
• What do you get if you cross and elephant and a kangaroo? Dents all over Australia
• How elephants hide in the kitchen? They paint their feet yellow and hide upside down in a bowl of custard
• Have you ever seen an elephant in a bowl of custard? Proves how effective their disguise is
• How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb? None, elephants have no need of light bulbs
• Why are elephants large grey and wrinkly? If they were small round and white they’d be a cue ball
• Why do elephants have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.
• How do elephants get up oak trees? Sit on an acorn and wait for spring
• How do elephants get down from oak trees? Sit on a leaf and wait for autumn
• How do you get an elephant into a matchbox? By taking the matches out first
• What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants coming over the hill? Look, the elephants are coming over the hill.
• What did Tarzan say when he elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill? Nothing, they were in disguise.
• What do you do when a herd of elephants is charging towards you? Make a trunk call and reverse the charges
• What’s grey and has four legs? An elephant (have you been paying attention?)
• What’s NOT grey and doesn’t have four legs? No elephants
• What’s grey, has four legs and a trunk? A mouse going on holiday
• What’s the simplest way to sculpt and elephant out of marble? You get a big block of marble and chip away everything that doesn’t resemble an elephant
• How do you make elephant stew? Dice one elephant and place in a simmering pot of stock until tender, add sliced rabbit to taste. You can use alternatives to rabbits but note that not everyone likes hare in their stew.
• Why did the elephant cross the road (1)? The chicken had flu.
• Why did the elephant cross the road (2)? His tender bid was lower than the chickens’ one.
• Why did the elephant stay on this side of the road? There were cars coming – what do you think he is stupid?
• Why do elephants paint their toenails green? So they can hide in apple trees
• Why can you hear screams from the orchard? The giraffes are eating the apples.
• How do you catch an elephant? By using elephant paper
• How do you lure an elephant? Hide in a bush and makes noises like a peanut
• How do you worry an elephant? Tell it that you’re the bait.
• Why do hippos swim in lakes? I don’t care, these are elephant jokes!
• Why have elephants got trunks? Because they don’t like swimming in the nude
• Why have elephants got big ears? Because Noddy won’t pay the ransom

¹ A mini is a compact UK car, the older ones were very small indeed and can be seen in the classic 60s heist movie “The Italian Job”

Tags: humour, jokes

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008 at 0:17 by Crimperman and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.